Pre Op

Today, I had my pre-op appointment with my fabulous ENT regarding my surgery on Thursday. I walked in the door with a list of questions, but true to form, my self-admitted OCD doctor began answering all of them right away.
Basically this is what I learned:

• He is going to make an incision starting just below my left ear to remove the affected lymph nodes. At that point the pathologist who will be in attendance will prepare and confirm the cancer diagnosis.
• Next, he will continue the incision to remove my thyroid, preserving as many of my parathyroids as possible so I don't have to spend my life living on calcium and vitamin D supplements.
• While he is in the area of my thyroid, he is going to take a peek at the lymph nodes on the right side of my neck. If those look affected then he will continue the incision around to just under my right ear.
• So, if you're keeping score I will literally be cut from ear to ear. Wonderful. The good thing is that my ENT is known for being the best in his field for this type of surgery and spends extra time at the end ensuring that his patients don't appear to be attacked by Hannibal Lector.
• I will be not in the actual hospital, as we originally thought, but will be having the surgery and staying the night in the diagnostic center next door. I wasn't aware that they were able to accommodate this type of care, but apparently they are their very own hospital and even have an ER there. I will be in great care there.
• The part I'm most worried about is that I will have not one, but two drains in my neck. They have to remove these and you can probably imagine how they do this. Basically, they just pull them out. Sounds like a party, huh?!?
• I will be in the hospital around 2 or 3 nights, but made it very clear that I didn't want to leave with the drains. I would rather not come home with those, so I told him that I would rather stay a bit longer to have them removed there then have to come back to have it done.
• The pathologist that examined the product from my biopsy is requesting that he be the pathologist on this case during the surgery. Even if it means he comes in on his day off.
• All of my doctors know what is going on and my ENT took time out to call my PA at my regular doctor's office to tell her that she did a fabulous job in sending me right over and helping me to get this diagnosed. I felt the same way, but for a doctor of his caliber to call a PA at another practice and encourage her like that speaks to the amazing character that he has.
• The anesthesiologist is the same one that my doctors has done all thyroid cases with for the past 16 years. She is supposed to be amazing and has more experience with this type of thing than most anyone in the field.
• After the surgery, the only follow up treatment that I will have to have done is a radioactive iodine pill that I will swallow and then be scanned. Since your thyroid is the only organ to be significantly affected by iodine, this irradiated iodine will be taken up in those cells to the point at which they will die and I'll excrete them in my urine. If only all cancer treatments were that cut and dry.
• My surgery is scheduled for 11am on Thursday and it will last around 5 hours.

I guess my general sentiment through this whole thing is that, for the most part, I have been put in the path of some pretty incredible medical personnel. All of them have listened to me and treated me like a person, not a case or disease, and have just been amazing.

Thank you all for the prayers, well wishes and offers of help for me and my family. Please, if you feel lead, to keep me and my family in your prayers on Thursday during my surgery. Love to all of you!

The Low Down

Sorry about that cryptic post, but I just didn't know what or how to say anything else at that point. I am fully recognizing that I am quickly moving through the stages of grief and am firmly rooted, at the moment, in the stage of just being extremely ticked off at the whole thing.
I spoke, at length, with my doctor's nurse on Friday and my surgery is scheduled for the 24th, which is a week from this coming Thursday. I was initially hoping to do it this coming week but there is another, bigger case scheduled for that day that my doctor must take care of. After thinking about it and consulting my calendar, it just made sense to leave it on the 24th so that I can appropriately cancel/reschedule things and get everything settled for my students.
Oh, yes, that's a whole other issue. I just finished up the first of a 5 week semester and I'm going to have to bow out just over half way through. That should go over well with my students.
Anyway, the surgery is slated to take about 5 hours and I'll be in the hospital for around 3 to 4 days. So, it appears that I'll be there at least through Saturday, maybe Sunday. I really couldn't ask for better timing. My mom is going to be off and stay with me Thursday through Wednesday, then Jes is going to take the Thursday and Friday of that following week (as well as the proceeding one too) off so that I get a whole week of help before I am turned loose with both kids on my own.
All in all, this whole nightmare has had some definite points of light, the brightest ones being the doctors that I have had on this journey. My ENT, the one who will be doing the surgery is amazing. This is the same ENT who treated Caleb when he was in the NICU right after birth. The amazing thing is that he remembered us the moment he walked in the door at my first appointment back in February. This doctor has also called me on multiple occasions to discuss not only test results but to also make sure that I'm ok and just check up on me. I've always said that I didn't really care if a doctor had a great bedside manner, but to have one that is just amazing has totally changed my point of view. He, and all his staff and partners in his practice, have been fabulous and I know will be better than I could have ever hoped for to help us through this process.
I have a pre-op appointment with my ENT on Friday where I'm going to ask all the questions that I have about the present and future treatments that I may or may not need to have. I have 30 minutes scheduled with him and you better believe that I'll use every minute of that!

Why I REALLY Think Cancer Sucks.

So.
I got my biopsy results back on Wednesday.
I have papillary thyroid cancer.
Just lovely.

Zoo

This past Saturday, my mom and I decided to take the kids to the Dallas Zoo. Piper is fairly obsessed with all things animal and Caleb just down right loves the zoo, so we made the trip.

We decided to ride the train down to the zoo, partly because Caleb loves the train oh so much and also because we didn't want to pay for parking. Call us cheap. Here is Caleb having the best tme.

Piper, being my child* through and through, was not happy in the least to be on the train until the end. Here she is with my Mama, just having the best time.

*Little known fact about me, I cannot stand trains. I am not afraid of them, but I have a deep and abiding disdain for all things trains.

The zoo has a new exhibit where all the larger animals are now living. The elephants were just beautiful and majestic to look at, but the big draw was having the ability to feed the giraffes. Caleb wanted to do this, so I plunked down my $5 for the 5 pieces of Romaine lettuce that we were allowed and we went and fed the giraffes. It was an experience and Caleb loved it. Piper, in the mean time, had a visit from a giraffe, not far from us, when said giraffe decided to hit her up for food. She just calmly looked over and said, "Hi giraffe!"

We took the monorail, thinking that the kids would love to see the animals from on high, but really it was more of an exercise in trying to get the kids to sit down before they fell into the lions' den. Here are Piper and I riding the monorail. Did I mention that this was 10am, and it was 842 degrees?

Caleb and I also got to ride a camel. I can't really elaborate on that one as I came away from the experience telling myself that I could have lived without having done that. Maybe that was from the fact that I was directly on the hump. Um, ow. Caleb loved it, though and now we can both say we've ridden a camel!

At one point in our visit Caleb started complaining that he was tired, so my mom decided to rent one of these cute wagons. It seemed like a great idea until we realized that we had to pull/push this nearly 80 pounds of kid up and down fairly large hills. Next time the kid will just have to tough it out. We nearly killed ourselves!

Last on our journey was a ride on the merry go round. True to form, Piper was quite nervous about this, but I knew once it started she would love it, so I basically forced her to ride. As soon as her horse started rising and falling she couldn't help but giggle.

We had a great time and probably lost a few pounds from all the sweating. Win win!

That's Not the News I was Hoping For...

This past week, I finally had that MRI that had not happened, despite my best efforts. I thought that I would hear much sooner, but I just now (literally minutes ago) got the phone call from my doctor himself.
It seems that the lymph node has not shrunk at all, but it hasn't grown any either.
My doctor feels that it is either still a swollen lymph node, a cyst, a fluid filled tumor, or lymphoma.
Well, then.
I will talk with the nurse tomorrow to schedule a needle biopsy sometime in the next week or so. If that doesn't show anything sufficient to put worry to rest, then I'll be scheduled for surgery to have whatever it is removed.
To say I'm nervous is a gross understatement.

An Unexpected Victory

For some time now, I have had suspicions that there might be something going on with Caleb. After all, haven't I heard it enough from teachers and such?
In the past month, more than one person (non-professionals) has indicated that they thought he may be autistic, something that I don't believe. However, I have been wondering if maybe there are some ADD/ADHD tendencies present.
And then, I made a behavior chart.
Just this simple act of doing something visual that he can see and know what is expected of him has made him into a totally different child. I honestly did not think that it would work, but after a particularly difficult few days wherein I tearfully called his pediatrician and even a possible counselor for him, I sat down and constructed this chart. I came up with 5 behaviors that we were having a difficult time with, picked out some rewards and had him choose punishments. I'm not exactly sure why this worked, but it did. He's not perfect and still has some difficult moments, but what 5 year old boy doesn't.
Birthday parties have been an issue for us. Just the mere mention of them makes me break out in a cold sweat and we have even skipped out of some just to avoid the behavior that seems to come out during them. I would say, jokingly, but somewhat seriously, that I thought that the places of business were pumping in some sort of stimulant into the air and giving my son an extra dose, because he would just be cr-azy. This past Saturday, Caleb was invited to his friend's birthday party and I just made it very clear, ahead of time, that if he didn't act right and control himself that he would get all x's and no smiley faces (BIG time punishments!) on his chart. He was a different kid at this party, having loads of fun, but not acting like a crazed maniac.
I'm not conviced that this chart is the magic bullet for him, but I think it might make a huge difference. It has for the past week, so I'm thinking we maybe on the right track. I'm holding onto the psychologist's number though.

So, hm, I've got a blog, huh?!?
Someplace to post things other than the random ramblings of our 23 month old.
So, it bullet form I'll catch up on what's been going on:

• We had Caleb's birthday party at the end of March and it was c-r-a-z-y. I am convinced that the places that cater to kids and the things kids love pump some type of stimulant into the air that only the kids are sensitive to because they all go nuts!
• We have finally reached the point that we have some disposible income that we can start tackling all the big projects around the house that we have been wanting to do. The first thing we have done is completely rebuild the play structure that is in the backyard. We bought a pre-made one for Caleb's 2nd birthday and after the dog chewing on it and all the weather, it was literally crumbling. So, Jes decided to build it from scratch with plans that only existed in his head. Can you imagine how exciting (read: frustrating) this was for me but we're juuuuuuuust about done.
• School is winding down here, which means that all of our normal school year activities are all but over. MOPS ended and all of Caleb's friends are graduating from preschool and signing up for kindergarten. You would think that this would have no impact on us at all, but in fact, we have more playdates and fun events to attend to fill in for the events that are over.
• My mom and I went to the homeschool curriculum fair a couple of Saturdays ago, picked out and purchased the curriculum. I decided on My Father's World which is a fabulous Biblically based curriculum that I'm going to supplement with a little Abeka phonics and some handwriting practice. I'm both nervous, excited, looking forward to, and dreading (just being honest here) the whole homeschooling thing, but I think it will be good.
• I finished up my school year with the college and am now on break for just a couple more weeks. It was a good year and I'm sad that my students won't be the ones that I see each class day, but that's the way it is. I'm teaching all summer, from June 7th through the middle of August from 6pm to 11pm. Yep, you read that right. So, I'm trying to get my rest in now.
• There have been some changes and updates to my health issues that have been going on, but I'll have to update that later because I hear a certain little girl who needs me!

Until next time. Promise it won't be another month! :)

Conversations with Piper - Age, again.

Caleb: Piper, how older are you?

Piper: 10

Caleb: You're not 10, how older are you?

Piper: 14

Caleb: (laughing hysterically) How older are you, Piper?

Piper: 20

Caleb: (still laughing) How older are you?

Piper: 40

geez...

Conversations With Piper

Caleb: Piper, how old are you?
Piper: onnnnnnnnne (she over-enunciates those n's)
Caleb: Piper, how old are you?
Piper: two
Caleb:Piper, how old are you?
Piper: treeeeee
Caleb: Piper, how old are you?
Piper: fou

You see where this is going.
She scares me a bit sometimes...

Some Days

Some days I just feel so overwhelmed with all this health mess going on for me. Today just happens to be one of those days. I'm sitting here writing this, covered in hives, even though I have taken every bit of medication, plus the extra stuff that is supposed to clear everything up, every time I'm supposed to.
Just to give you a brief idea of the level of medication I'm on, I'm taking 360mg of Allegra, 300mg of Tagamet, and 10mg of Singulair. I also have prednisone at the ready when I need it, and I've taken it in the last 24 hours.
All this medication just makes me feel pretty crummy, for the most part, all day. And most of the time keeps the hives under control, but I know that as they get worse the thyroid issue is getting worse. I've also had some other symptoms that have worsened, one of which being a tremor that I've had for some time. I was at work last night trying to dissect out some pretty small, delicate muscles for my students to see for their upcoming test and I could hardly hold the scalpel still enough to dissect at the right spot.
Anyway, I don't have my next endcrinologist appointment until the end of May, but I think I'll be calling and trying to bump up that appointment. I also have a lead on a doctor in town who is a little more attuned to some alternative therapies too that I'll probably check out as soon as I can get in to see him.
I have a hard time asking for prayer for myself, but right now that's what I'm shamelessly asking for.

The Decision

We have agonized over what to do about Caleb's education.
Do we send him to public school?
Do we send him to private school?
Do we homeschool him?
Based on our experiences in school and some of the requirements in our state, we decided very quickly against public school. This is something that we are very passionate about. I do believe we have both said that our children will not attend public school, just to give you an idea.
As I've mentioned before, we did interview for a university model school in our town. If you are not familiar with this type of school, basically the kids would go to school MWF and are homeschooled on TTh. We were really drawn to this type of schooling because it would have given us the best of both worlds, homeschooling and still getting him out of the house for a bit.
Long story short, we left the interview with the private school feeling very negative about the whole experience and were sure that they would not want us there. That was January.
A couple of weeks ago, I received a phone call from the principal at the school saying that she wanted me to take Caleb to the school and leave him for a day. Throughout this time period, Jes and I have been discussing what would be best for Caleb and really came to the firm conclusion that he just was not emotionally ready for a classroom (however, the kid is reading, writing and doing math at a pretty high level), so leaving him in this school for even a day wasn't an option.
I had a very enlightening and honest discussion with the principal in which I told her of my misgivings about the whole idea of sending Caleb there. She was very supportive, listened and even told me that she wished that she had not forced her youngest to go to school when he wasn't ready because it set him up for some really difficult years.
So, the decision is that we are going to homeschool Caleb. I have a real peace knowing that we have made the right decision for our family and for our son.
Now, we just have to find the right curriculum for him, which seems like it will be a much more daunting decision!

Do you notice something awry here?



No? Well, let's just take a closer look.



Empty juice bottle. On a day when I was running out the door to make it to a meeting that I was already late to. So, frustrating.

A Typical Conversation...

Me: Do you know where the remote is for the bedroom tv?
Jes: No, didn't you have it last night?
Me: At some point, yes. Was the tv on when you got home last night? (he worked reeeaaallllly late)
Jes: Yes
Me: Did you turn it off?
Jes: No, you did.
Me: With the remote?
Jes: I guess. I didn't see you get out of bed.
Me: Well, I've lost it.
Jes: (laughing) Yes, yes you have.

(Not that I have to mention this, but he wasn't referring to the remote, but to my mind.)

Health Update

I've been putting off this post for awhile now simply because I just didn't want to write it. Also, I really don't like talking about myself that much, but so many people have asked about what is going on with my health and this is really the best way to answer all those questions.
I'll just start from the beginning.
In October of last year, I came down with a really nasty upper respiratory infection. It was one of the worst viruses that I had encountered in some time and was really super sick for quite a while. At this time, I had a few lymph nodes that swelled up in my neck. When they didn't go away right away I made an appointment with the same set of physicians that Jes sees and made the trip there.
As a side story, Piper, at that time, was on some antibiotics for something, which all you moms know what that does to a little one's poop. Let's just suffice it to say that she decided to do her business just as we entered the exam room. Boy was it bad. Later on during the visit, a nurse came in and gagged. Nice. This was also the same visit where Caleb ran out of the exam room while they were drawing my blood. Luckily, a former student of mine who worked there walked by and caught him. I didn't think they would allow me back...
Ok, so Carol, my fab PA, examined me and determined that it must be the illness that I had just nearly gotten over that caused the lymph nodes to react as they did. I was to come back in a month.
At the next appointment, 2 of the 3 swollen nodes had gone down and the 3rd and shrunk some but not back to normal yet. I was to come back in 2 weeks.
When I returned the lymph node was still swollen and she thought I should go see a surgeon.
Surgeons are surgeons and they want to cut and that was the first thing he jumped to. I managed to hold him off for about 3 months before I saw Carol again where she was pretty outraged that he was going to just cut me right open and take it out.
During this same time, I developed a raging case of hives. I had never experienced this before and went in to see Carol. She gave me some allergy medicine and prednisone and told me to document everything that I came into contact with and I was to see her in a couple of weeks. We were both confident that I wouldn't have this again.
The course of prednisone that I was given was 6 days long. I woke up on the 6th day with hives worse than before and my lips so swollen I looked like a duck. I made a quick trip up to see Carol who upped my prednisone dramatically and gave me the number for an allergist.
As soon as I got home I called the allergist and was able, miraculously, to get in the very next day. Dr. B, as we'll call her, took one look at me and was instantly intrigued. We couldn't do any allergy testing because that requires one to be off all allergy medication and steroids for 7 straight days and I hadn't even made it 6 while on both meds. So, her best guess was that this might be a metabolic or autoimmune issue, since I do have significant family history for those.
After 9 (!) vials of blood I waited and waited and waited. About a week later as I pulled into Chipotle after a playdate I got the call I had been waiting for: I had autoimmune thyroid disease.
Fab-u-lous.
I returned to Carol and had some follow up blood work done and a sonogram done on my thyroid that week and waited to make an appointment with an endocrinologist.
When I got the name of who I was to go see, I called right away and was told I would have to wait over a month to get into the practice. After a stern talking to with the scheduler on the phone, an appointment just randomly opened up right before her eyes for the next week (can you hear the sarcasm?). Can you also tell why some health care professionals really don't like me? I just know how to work the system... It comes from working in it...
The endocrinologist took even more blood and we did what is called an uptake and scan over 2 days. Basically, I swallowed a low dose irradiated iodine pill and the next day my thyroid was scanned to determine how much iodine my thyroid took up. A high number would be diagnostic for Graves Disease and a low number would be diagnostic for thyroiditis. We were obviously hoping for a low number.
High normal for this test is 25. My number was 37. They don't diagnose Graves until you are around 80, 90, or 100. So, we decided to wait it out. This was my worst fear because now I have hives, every day, and all the other symptoms that are coming along with it as well. None of this is impairing my life, but it sure is bothersome.
The lymph node issue continues to persist and the ENT that I saw, after the debacle with the surgeon, felt that I needed to have an image taken of it to see what it looked like. The issue with this is that they want to use contrast, which for a person with documented allergies (check) and a heart condition (check) should not use it.
As a side note, throughout this whole time going from doctor to doctor I was told on more than one occasion that I probably had cancer. To be frank, I was terrified. Many hours of lost sleep came because of these flippant remarks by various doctors. This ENT was the first to tell me that he was confident that I did not, in fact, have cancer. He made this determination after a very thorough examination, so it was not, like the other comments, made after no exam.
I went to have the MRI last week, without contrast, and they wouldn't do it because they couldn't prove that I wasn't pregnant. Even though I took a pregnancy test right in front of them. And it was negative.
So, at this point, we are waiting on the thyroid stuff to get worse or my appointment to come up again (May) and to schedule a MRI for the lymph node issue.
That's about where it all stands now.

Happy Birthday Caleb!

Happy birthday to my sweet, sweet boy!

Caleb's Story Part 4

As the nurse ran out of the room, I remember just seeing Caleb's little feet peaking out from underneath her arm and feeling terrified that I would not see my son again. And I lost it.


Just minutes later Jes walked back in the room and had no idea what was going on. I could only get single words out but managed to communicate to him that Caleb had been taken by a nurse somewhere because he was blue. I can't imagine what it was like for him to walk into a situation like that, but he ran out of the room faster than I've ever seen him go.


I'm not completely sure of the events of the next few hours but I do remember my mom and dad showing up again and the chaplain coming by my room. It was at this point that I thought that Caleb had died. I hadn't seen my husband or my son for hours and had no idea what was going on.


When Jes came back to my room he sat down and began to sob. Now I really had no idea what was going on. What I did find out was that Caleb was alive but under an oxygen tent with all kinds of tubes and such in the NICU. Jes forbade me from seeing Caleb at that point, I'm not really sure why even now, but something about his demeanor told me that I should do what he says.


I just waited and waited. My mom and dad waited with me and I'm so thankful that they were there because I can't imagine sitting through that time alone, even though I don't really remember a lot of it. Around 10:00pm on Sunday, I was given the go ahead to go see Caleb in the NICU and you have never seen a woman freshly from surgery move that fast. I practically ran down that hallway.


After getting all the rules and regulations, my mom and I were lead back to the area of the NICU where my son waited for me. Caleb, being a full term baby, was put in the area of the NICU where the sickest and smallest babies were, with the theory being that he wouldn't need as much care as they would. When I first laid eyes on Caleb, I knew that he would be ok, but I just didn't know what we would have to go through to see him through.


I was able to hold Caleb that night and it was all I could do to hold it all together. Thank goodness my mom was there because I would have lost my mind if she hadn't been with me. That night we were introduced to the wonderful nurse that would care for Caleb most of the time he was there and I felt confident enough to leave him and get some rest. The next morning I was the first mom in the NICU and did not leave his bed side except to pump breast milk or for shift change.

Throughout the following days we recieved very grave news from every doctor that saw Caleb in the NICU, telling us many different things but all resulting in some pretty serious surgeries that would need to be done to correct his airway issues, not to mention the issues that they thought were causing problems from his umbilical cord coming away from the placenta. At one point we were even told that he would have to undergo surgery to basically redo the whole skeletal structure of his face. Not something that you really want to hear from a doctor about your 2 day old.

On Tuesday night, I had had a particularly difficult day, getting a lot of really bad news all at once. That night as I was leaving the NICU I was really upset by the nurse on duty who I felt like was being too rough with Caleb (now I know that she wasn't, she was just doing her job), but it all just put me over the edge and I broke. That night I spent the whole night in my bed crying out to God to heal my baby and get us through this ordeal. I'm sure the nurses probably thought I had finally lost it because everytime they came to check on me that night I was weeping and or speaking out loud.

I finally just told God, as I passed out from exhaustion, that Caleb was His and that I had no hold on him or control over the situation. I distinctly remember saying, "I can't fix him, but you can. Please heal him."

The next morning, Wednesday, I awoke to sunlight streaming through my window and a sense of calm and peace in my room. This was the day that I was to be released from the hospital, without my baby. I dreaded this day but also felt in the depth of my soul that it was going to be a good day. That morning I got a visit from the neonatologist who gave us some news that we were not expecting to hear.

Just to give a little perspective, Caleb had had numerous x-rays, CT scans, MRIs, and even a scope passed through his airway and sinus cavities throughout the proceeding days, all coming back with the same information, that the skeletal structure of his face, airways, and sinuses were not compatable with life.

Wednesday morning the neonatologist told us that, after one more scope, it was determined that it was soft tissue swelling. No one knew what had happened in the course of the night, but I did. My God healed my son.

Caleb was kept in the hospital for about 48 more hours in order to complete a round of steroids to lessen the swelling, have his feeding tube removed and to get everyone comfortable having him off the monitors. He came home with me on Friday morning.

Caleb's Story Part 3

I know that it's taken me longer than normal to write this part of the story, but to be completely honest, I just didn't want to do it and am forcing myself right now. This part of the story is not happy and a time in our lives that I would rather not relive, but again, I'm doing this for Caleb so that he knows later on what has transpired to get him (and us) to where we are today.

As soon as our doctor said that, Jes popped up and looked over the curtain. Truth be told, he had really just sat down after watching the incision and beginnings of the surgery. Jes was just fascinated with the process and loved watching what was going on.

As our doctor was pulling Caleb out, he discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck, not an uncommon or life threatening issue at the point. When this happens the delivering professional just pulls it from around the baby's neck so as to avoid future issues. As the doctor did that, the umbilical cord came off in his hand, thus his comment.

Caleb was quickly delivered, wrapped up, assessed and Jes left with him to go to the nursery. There was special care to remove the placenta in tact so that the pathologist could fully examine it to determine what had happened. We wouldn't know this for a few days.

As I was taken back to my room I met back up with Jes and Caleb, thinking that all was fine. We visited with friends and family and spent time with our new boy. With both of my c-sections, I was warned of all the possible side effects of the anesthesia, but for me I shake like none other. This particular time it was so bad that even during delivery I had to physically hold on to the table to get some control over it and, after, I refused to hold Caleb for fear that I would drop him. It took me about 2 hours before I felt even remotely stable enough to hold him but I'm glad I did because I wouldn't get much opportunity to do that before he was whisked off to another part of the hospital.

It was during this recovery time that Jes and I noticed that something wasn't quite right with Caleb and his breathing. We quickly unwrapped him to look at him and discovered that he was retracting and his nostrils were flaring, two signs that he was having difficulty breathing. Jes notified the nurse and he was taken to the nursery with reassuring words that he was probably just having a little trouble transitioning.

A couple of hours later, our little boy was returned to us and we kept him with us off and on for most of the night. The next day was Easter, my most favorite holiday of them all, so Caleb, Jes and I celebrated in our little hospital room taking turns feeding him and holding him and doing all the things that new parents do. Truth be told, Caleb slept through most of it, not caring to eat or open his eyes or anything else. We probably should have been worried, but we just didn't know better.

Jes left around noon to go home, get some things for us, shower and have lunch. During this time a few friends stopped by to see me and Caleb and we had a great time visiting. Shortly after my friends left, a nurse came by and we decided that she and I would try to nurse Caleb, who at this point had eaten nothing and was nearly 20 hours old. We got Caleb to latch and she was fussing with some things in the room and with me and as we both looked at Caleb we were just horrified by what we saw. Caleb was dusky, turning blue.

The nurse picked Caleb up, out of my arms, and ran down the hall with him. I was terrified.

Caleb's Story Part 2

When we last met, I was still pregnant and we had decided on having a c-section after agonizing over the idea.

Everything was scheduled and I was placed on the schedule for a c-section on my 38 week mark on March 28th. However, Caleb had other plans in mind.

Early on the 26th, around 4, a huge thunderstorm rolled through town. I should also mention that it was a full moon out, two factors that, based on the old wives tales, were prime baby having time. Thunderstorms and I don't particularly get along, I'm always awake when it gets really loud, but this time I just didn't feel well either, so I got up. I remember sitting on the couch feeling weird, like I had eaten something really bad, running back and forth to the bathroom. I'll spare you the gory details, but I'm sure that y'all can figure out what was going on during those trips. I would later find out that this, in fact, was early labor.

Jes got up around 7:30 and we decided that we would get on with our day. My parents had been at our house the whole day before helping me get everything ready for Caleb's birth, but there was still so much to do, so we got ourselves together and headed out the door. By this point, other than feeling like a beached whale on stilts, I felt pretty good, just tired from my early morning escapades.

We spent our day running (well, I waddled through) lots of errands, culminating at lunch at my pick of the day, Olive Garden. Something about my pregnancy with Caleb made me crave tomatoes to the depth of my being and I couldn't get enough of them. OG has lots of tomato based products, so needless to say we spent lots of time and money there.

At the time of my pregnancy with Caleb I was teaching chemistry at a private school about 20 miles south of our house, but less than a mile from the hospital that I was set to deliver at. After lunch we went up to the school so I could complete a test and get all my things in order for my long term sub to come in and take over that following Tuesday (Monday was the Easter holiday).
The first thing that I did was visit the ladies room because I knew that I didn't want to be running up and down the hallway a million times once I got my work started. I just wanted to get in and get done and get home. Jes was sitting with me while I worked and all at once I felt a gush. I looked at him and said the following, "Either I just peed on myself or my water just broke." To this day he tells me that that was when I started to look "different" (ie Caleb dropped) and that something just wasn't right. I immediately called my mom and asked her what to do and if she knew what that felt like, but seeing as she had delivered her one and only child nearly 27 years earlier she could not shed any light on my situation. I really hesitated calling my doctor because I certainly didn't want to bother him on his Saturday off, but after 30 minutes (yes, 30. What? I'm stubborn.) I called him and he instructed us to go directly to the hospital.

On the way to the hospital, Jes called my parents again and told them to get to the hospital because I was going in. The sweetest thing was in the background, you could hear my dad scurrying around trying to gather up all his stuff and find shoes for himself and my mom so that they could get there as quick as possible. It was just a small moment, but sweet nonetheless.

If you have ever had a spontaneous bag rupture, then you know that they have to test you to make sure that the fluid that you are leaking is amniotic (not urine, like I previously thought) and that was exactly the test I had performed after getting into a hospital gown and into the bed. Of course it was positive. And I was terrified. I just kept telling Jes over and over that this wasn't supposed to happen this way. And he just kept telling me that I wasn't in control of it.

As I was surrounded by my family and their prayers, a peace washed over me and I knew that God's hand was directly on me and my growing family, but nothing would prepare Jes and I for what would transpire in the next hours and days.

We got to the operating room around 5 and shortly before 6 we heard our doctor saying, "well, oh! That's not supposed to happen."

Caleb's Story Part 1

Today is the 26th of February, which means in just a few short weeks it will be the 26th of March, Caleb's 5th birthday. For some reason I've been so nostalgic about this particular birthday, more so than all the others before it, and I just don't know why.
While I was thinking about his day I realized that I have recorded many events in his life since I started this blog waaay back in 06, but not his birth and the events that occurred just after it.
I am here to remedy that.
It will take a few different posts to cover all that happened, but I'm willing to tackle the task for the sake of posterity. I want Caleb, and Piper for that matter, to be able to look back over the events of late March 2005 and marvel at God's love for us and how His hand was on our family, Caleb in particular. So, commence the telling of Caleb's story (part 1):

I can't tell Caleb's story without telling some of the events before it, so I'll just start at the beginning.
Jes and I hadn't been married too awfully long before we started talking about having kids. Truth be known, I was a born mother and always longed for children of my own. The only debate was how many, Jes wanted 3 and I wanted 2 (oh how quickly the tides turned...).
When we got married, we lived in Tyler, Texas but moved back to Dallas after our first year, following jobs and family. The move back to Dallas was really when we started considering having kids and I was REALLY hearing that tick of my clock, but Jes was so hesitant.
One day we went to a friend's house who had just had a baby and something about me assisting the father change a particularly bad diaper triggered something in Jes's head and he told me that night that he was ready. Even though we were both on the same page we had some pretty big tasks that we wanted to complete before we would even begin trying, having a house and stable jobs (laugh!) being the two at the top of the list.
We began looking for houses and quickly decided to and signed on to build a house in McKinney, a smallish, at the time, town just north of all the Dallas action. Around this time I started visiting a new ob/gyn who did some testing and determined that I had a pretty good case of endometriosis. This, combined with a heart condition that I have, was something that would hinder greatly the ability to conceive and carry a child to term, so said the doctors.
Here's where we really started to see God working mightily in our lives.
We signed the papers for our house the last week of June, moved in the 3rd of July and I was pregnant on the 4th. Not only was I dealing with these diagnosed medical issues, but I had been on the pill for years and was, how do I put this delicately, not in the physiological state in which to get pregnant.
But I did.
With all those factors working against us.
The only explanation I have is that God had his hand on us and wanted Caleb to be with us. This is a sentiment that was expressed by many of the doctors and practitioners that we came across throughout our journey.
Needless to say, when I showed up at my doctor's office he was more than surprised. It was at that 9 week appointment when we saw Caleb's little heart beating that he was dubbed "miracle baby" by our doctor.
My pregnancy was fairly normal with me experiencing all the normal side effects of pregnancy. Around the 30 week mark, however, I started measuring very ahead of schedule. When I was 33 weeks, I measured 40, so I was tested for diabetes multiple times and had many, many sonograms to measure Caleb's size and fluid levels. For the most part, all these tests were normal with all the diabetes tests coming back normal each time and Caleb just showing on the sonograms to just be a big boy.
At an appointment around 32 weeks I had yet another sonogram and that is when they noticed that the fluid levels were trending towards too high. They weren't abnormally high, just at the high end of normal but if I had had one more mL of fluid measured then it would have been abnormal. I distinctly remember, after that visit, coming home and pouring over my books to determine why the fluid levels would be high. And I was terrified.
The next week, when I returned to the doctor, my fluid was still high and Caleb was getting so big that they could hardly fit him on the sonogram screen. It was at my 33 week appointment that my doctor projected that Caleb would weigh 11 pounds or more if I went to term. We decided that I would deliver slightly early, right on my 38 week mark. We also discussed c-section versus normal birth.
It took me some time, lots of prayer, and discussion with my family but we decided on c-section, a decision that would ultimately save both my son's and my life.

School Update

I'm not sure if I've talked about what we were planning on doing for school here or not and, frankly, I'm too lazy to go back and look, so let me just start from the beginning.
When Caleb was a baby I was certain that I would homeschool. However, as time went on I came to the realization that one doesn't really know their child when they are babies because, really, babies don't have the same personality as say a 5 year old. With that said, I did want to retain some of the principles of homeschooling so I started researching University Model schools in our area.
A few mommy friends of mine had had their kids in one that was near us and I checked it out, even going as far as sending Jes to one of the informational meetings to get his take on it. We were both impressed at the school and what it had to offer us and our family, so we decided to pursue entrance for Caleb. Last year, we got into the application process and had to take a good look at our finances and decided that we just couldn't swing it. Last year would have been preschool for Caleb, so we didn't really feel like it was super important, and besides, we had just pulled him out of one where he was well advanced beyond what preschools taught.
This year, however, we wanted to see about getting him into this school for Kindergarten so that he could follow that track all the way that was possible. We filled out the paperwork, gathered up the 8 references (8, people! for Kindergarten.), and sent it all off with baited breath. Soon enough we were scheduled for our family interview (yes you read that right) to meet the principal and head master.

That appointment was yesterday.

And it was an utter disaster.

Now, let me preface this by telling you that they scheduled it for 4:30 in the afternoon. Remember guys, that we had to take both kids with us, so picture Jes, myself, a 4 year old and a 19 month old in a small office with 2 other adults who had little to no affect and you will get a small view of what went on. Both kids were tired and bored and just ill behaved in general. Caleb just could not sit still, would not answer questions or even speak to the people and just was obviously uncomfortable with the whole situation. We answered all the questions that they had honestly and openly, but there was no reading these people.
When Jes and I walked out of the meeting, I looked at him and said, "well, I guess I'll be homeschooling next year" and he said, "yep, I think you will". So we both had the same negative impression of how the whole thing went.
Now we just wait. We'll just have to wait and see what happens. Surprisingly, though, I feel relieved that it's over and out of my hands. Commence the waiting.