Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Why I've Been So Quiet

Many of you are friends of mine on facebook. About 2-3 weeks ago, I posted an update that read:

Got some news this morning that has rocked my world. I'm very thankful for supportive friends and family. Prayers for wisdom and peace would be appreciated...

What resulted from there was an outpouring of love and support from most of my friends and family. While this was a fairly cryptic and non-specific message, I felt as if I could say nothing at that moment because I didn't know what was going on.
Basically, what I knew then and what I know now is this, my cousin informed me that my biological father reappeared.
This seems to be a fairly non-event to most, but this was the man who decided that he wanted nothing to do with my mom and I and, literally, walked away from us one afternoon when I was just a toddler.
I, like most kids, who do not know a family member, was curious and my mom was always very honest with me. She was always very careful to give me age appropriate information and never had anything negative to say about him, but I connected the dots and always had some negative feelings associated with him.
Eventually, I just chose to believe that he fell off the face of the earth, rather than believe that he wanted nothing to do with my mom and me.
My mom eventually was remarried to a man who I consider my read dad, the one who went to every dance recital, band concert, football game, graduation, walked me down the aisle and was present during both of our children's births.
So, this is why I've been quiet. I've not really had anything to say about all this. I, however, can see how many people in my family could be hurt by all of this. My dad, being the amazing man he is, was concerned about me. That's why he's my dad, my real dad.
The most difficult part of this is not if he wants to know me, but how do I explain this to Caleb and Piper? They don't know any different than my dad. They are too young and deserve to be innocent to this type of dysfunction.
I still don't know what is going to happen with this, but I choose to not hide anymore.
So, that's where I've been.

1 comment:

Stephanie said...

Bethany and I have had to go through this too, although I was a teenager when I told my birth father to never contact me again.

It's a tough situation. I don't envy you, but I will pray for guidance as you deal with your birth father's reappearance.