Monday, October 27, 2008

The State of The Preschooler

So I have heard from a bunch of you, but I know that a lot of you are wondering what in the world is going on in our home. Here's the story.
Thursday, I got that infamous call from the director of Caleb's Mother's Day Out program. She told me some things over the phone that ended up being not totally true, as she was getting second hand information and tends to assume things. Caleb's teacher, Miss S, told me that he has been having meltdowns and that on Thursday, he got so angry that he was literally on the floor kicking/screaming/hitting/everything you can imagine to his beloved teacher, Miss J.
S told me that he does not want to lie down during nap time, but that he has to (it's state mandated here in Texas for them to have a rest period). I understood this and knew that they had been having trouble keeping him lying down on his nap mat during this time, but thought he was just sitting up and maybe wandering around a little. Come to find out he will be running laps around the room while they chase after him. Here's where it gets to be an issue, this has been going on since the first day of school! NO ONE TOLD ME ABOUT THIS FIT THROWING! As you can tell, I'm furious over this because they have essentially decided that they are going to try to raise my child and have no intention of including me in the process of discipline. As I told some of you, I feel as if my parental responsibilities and duties have been stripped by someone who doesn't have the right to do that. I am his mother, I make the ultimate decisions. Not them. Ok, enough on that.
S actually looked at me at one point and said, "there is a part of Caleb that we are not reaching". She started saying words to me like autism, sensory integration disorder, testing, special education, etc. All things that no one wants to hear about their child. Caleb is VERY bright, the brightest in his class (so says his teachers) and they expressed concern about him losing that if this was not resolved. We certainly don't want him to lose anything he has learned either, but we got to thinking about his behavior at school and his behavior elsewhere. We decided to talk to his other teachers.
On Mondays, Caleb goes with me to MOPS and is in a class with other kids his age. No problems there. His teacher told me that he was pushing a little at the beginning of the year, but they have been able to resolve that problem and he does not do that anymore. They have been very proactive and can tell when he starts to get a little upset and will just redirect him. That has worked.
On Wednesdays, Caleb goes to the church with me while I watch the babies during Bible study. Same song and dance as in MOPS.
Sundays, he is in Sunday School. Same thing. See a pattern here? Evidently, this behavior is only occurring at school. Everything else that he has done has been what has been called normal 3 year old behavior. We are at a loss as to what to do now. We have scheduled a evaluation with our school district, but the soonest they could get us in is the 20th of November. We saw his pediatrician today who says he in no way has autism and that sensory integration disorder usually follows along with other things, so it's unlikely. We're still going to have him go to the evaluation, but we're more and more conviced that it will show nothing.
As you all can imagine we have run through all the stages of emotion on this thing. It has been a very difficult weekend for our family and my first inclination. Most of it, I spent in tears. My first inclination has been to take my baby and hide away with him so no one else can say things like this about him.
Sunday was a day of renewal for me as our pastor talked about forgiveness and forgiving people. I realized then and there that this, if there even is something, is not something that we did to Caleb and that he is His child and I needed to let go of it. I still have my moments of disbelief, but as our pediatrician told us today, "life has to go on and he has to continue living it". So, we are living life.
Where we are now is that we wait for our appointment with the school district. Caleb goes back to school tomorrow. I am also going to research a little into play therapy as that was recommended by the pedi. I'm calling the insurance company tomorrow to see what they will approve and what they won't. Please pray that they have someone on their books in the general area that they will pay for this.
Thank you to all of you who have sent me emails, called, checked on me and gave me much needed information, affirmation and love these past few days. I will update on things as we go along.


Mommy of Multiples said...

I'm specifically praying for the play therapy or some kind of therapy like that to be covered for him. You never know what's really going, unless you are there to observe. It could be the way they are working with him, that it's just not the best direction for him. They do redirection at Logan's school, and it works great. No matter what the tests shows, and what anyone says, you know him better than anyone. And you do make the final call about everything. Caleb is a bright little boy! And you have done nothing wrong and are a great mom!

Joy said...

We will be praying that things go better. Carver has been having a hard time at home lately with meltdowns and his behavior lately. I guess he is really good at school though. I think it has a lot to do with the age though. I work in Carver's preschool class once a week and I see a lot of this especially from the boys. They just don't mature as fast as boys. Also maybe there is something going on at school that he doesn't like. Could you observe at school without him knowing you are there? Anyway the bottom line is that you are the mom and you need to do what you think is best for your child. Even though sometimes it is hard to figure out because they don't come with a manual. I wish they did it would be so much easier. Don't let them make you feel like a bad mom. As long as you are doing your best you are find. God wouldn't have given him to you if he didn't think you could handle it. He know what you can do.

Anonymous said...

Every story has two sides. I say this as a pre-school teacher. I do not know where you son was going, and I am not defending his teachers in any way. But it seems that your son is extremely bright, and to some teachers - that "blank" look is that they are not "getting it" when it can indeed be "I know all this already - get on with it". also, the teacher that talked autism, etc to you, cannot do that - she is not a doctor and cannot diagnos your child - she can tell you issues they are having - but that is it.
But you talk about how an issue has occurred since the beginning of the year and you were not told. We do not tell about every "issue" or wonderful thing that has happened. We have other children as well - so the dynamics are different than when a child is at home. Also, when a child is at school, we are in charge - not that we are taking away your rights -not even close. Anyway that's all for now.